We often wonder what we did wrong and why our relationship went south. People keep telling you it’s no use crying over spilled milk, they left you and you should move on but it’s just not comforting knowing you could have done something.
This lack of closure keeps you restless at night and here are some questions you need to ask yourself.
By Mariam Elhamy
Did you make them feel appreciated or loved often enough?
Were you too inside your own world that you took them for granted? People like to feel appreciated especially from those who are close to them. Appreciation can be as easy as saying thank you or you are an amazing person and I feel blessed to have you.
Did you become the person you always promised you won’t be?
Maybe you brought out their insecurities and made them feel unsafe. Maybe the relationship became too stale. Break the boredom with surprises, warm gestures and more happy moments.
Were you open about your emotions and future plans?
They may have felt that they weren’t included in your plans anymore. Maybe you left things unclear and they felt that you were never serious about them.
Have you made them feel supported at all times?
Were there certain circumstances when you weren’t there for them? These are the times where your partner ask themselves if you’ll really be by their side when things don’t go well or if you’ll turn a blind eye. When trust is broken it’s very hard to restore.
Did you give them enough attention when they needed it?
Not everyone can express how they feel easily but think back on occasions when your partner needed your attention but there was a huge emotional distance between you.
Where did your fights get you?
Were you in a better place after the fight or were things still shaky? Did you leave them hurting for days on end without an explanation? If the relationship brought them more sadness than happiness then it’s not a wonder they left. You have to know your partner’s love language and understand how to act when they’re upset.
Did you inspire or encourage them to be a better person? Did they?
Maybe you both provoked the worst side of your personality. Perhaps it’s because you were never compatible.
Did you make them feel alone in the relationship?
They probably felt that they were doing more effort than they’re getting from you. How can you tell if you hadn’t done enough? Ask yourself was there a time when you were happier in the relationship? What changed? How did you deal with that change?
Did you make them feel loved the way they deserved to be?
They probably tried to show you but you just didn’t notice. Whether you were too selfish or too engrossed in your own life, you missed the fact that there were many signs that the relationship is coming to an end. Try to become a better listener in the future and acknowledge their feelings.
Relationships are hard work and the reason you had to read this article should be mainly so that you can focus on moving on and learning from your past mistakes so that you can improve your future relationships and your future self.