Wondering whether you’re actually with the right person? You might be in a relationship for all the wrong reasons, whether you’re depressed, feel lonely, too dependant or need someone to give you attention. You might be staying in a relationship that is causing you a lot of trouble just for the sake of not being alone.
Here’s how to tell if you’re in a relationship with the wrong person and how you can cut yourself off before it gets too toxic.
By Mariam Elhamy
1. You Communicate Your Concerns But Nothing Ever Changes
In a healthy partnership, you and your partner will express your individual concerns and find a way to tackle issues together. But if you love the wrong person, you can have all the tough talks you want, and communicate your concerns as often as you like, but nothing ever changes. At that point you’re both just postponing a breakup that’s bound to happen.
2. You Won’t Admit That Your Long Distance Relationship isn’t Working
Different schedules and different timings, long-distance relationships need a lot of patience, work, acceptance and trust to work but given all that we are only human. Relationships are like flowers that you have to water every day, if you don’t give them enough attention they will wither and die.
3. Compatibility is Just As Important As Love
Love alone can keep a relationship alive but not for long. If your habits and interests are different and you can’t meet in the middle without someone feeling that they are making sacrifices, you may have fallen for the wrong person and you’re looking at a future full of arguing and resentment.
4. Forever On and Off
Being optimistic that things might change is great but you’re a bit too optimistic if you think that after breaking up with someone more than 3 times it might work again. So if you’re stuck in a cycle where there’s a lot of drama and you keep breaking up and getting back together, you have to break it up for good.
5. You’ve Made Drastic Lifestyle Changes for Them
Your lifestyle shouldn’t change much after you get in a relationship but if it does and you feel like you’re not doing the things you love or not seeing your friends and family as much, these changes affect your relationship eventually.
6. They’re Not Into “Labels”
It’s cool to just see where the relationship is going but if you fell for someone who isn’t committing to you in any way and are not setting boundaries or being clear on what they want out of the relationship then you’re with the wrong person. If they know what they want they’ll just go for it but if they’re still unsure then don’t waste more time on them because you clearly have different goals/values.
7. You’re Only With Them Because It’s Comfortable
If you’ve been fighting and arguing a lot and you find yourself sticking around because “it’s comfortable and they know you well” you might have outgrown the relationship. Being with someone who’s been around for what seems like forever can make you feel terrified to leave your comfort zone but it’s a clear sign you’re with the wrong person.
8. They’re Not The Type To Apologize
We are all human and we make mistakes, if your partner is too good to admit their mistakes and apologize but instead keep turning the tables or blaming it on the circumstances, or even worse, on you, then you’re with the wrong person.
9. You’re Uncomfortable Around Their Family and Your Friends Hate Him/Her
It’s important to have the people in your life at least like and respect your partner. If both you and your partner can’t get along with each other’s friends and family it will always be uneasy and create trouble later on. Don’t take the advice of the people around you lightly, if they keep pointing out that your relationship is unhealthy, they might have a point.
10. Your Relationship Makes You Feel Emotionally Exhausted
If you feel that your partner makes you feel emotionally exhausted, you may be in love with the wrong person. If you two have a pattern of triggering each other during arguments, you may be too toxic for each other.
11. You’re Not Physically Attracted to Them
They don’t light up your fire and you don’t feel butterflies around them. Physical attraction might be more important than you think.
12. They Don’t Encourage Your Dreams
Your partner should always push you to be the best but if they bring you down or just don’t care about your passions at all, they are not right for you.
13. You Both Avoid Confronting The Obvious
Being honest about how you feel and what you want is very important in a relationship. If you keep pushing trouble under the rug and postponing important conversations, it will come back and bite you eventually.
14. You Never Feel Like You’re Good Enough
If your partner never has anything nice to say and no matter how hard you try, you never seem to be doing anything right and you feel like you always have to prove yourself. If they are always asking you to change it might signify that they don’t actually love you for who you are but they are trying to sculpt you into something that they could love.
15. You Just Know It
When you are with the right person it will just feel right. Sometimes you have to trust your gut feeling when it tells you things. If you find yourself always thinking of the potential of the relationship and daydreaming about things that currently don’t exist, there’s a chance you’re in love with the idea and not the reality.
It’s okay to realize that you are dating the wrong person. If any of these reasons sound true to you, it’s time to think about the level of compatibility between you and your partner.
Leaving a relationship is often painful, but by cutting someone loose, you might be making it easier for both of you to find a more suitable partner.