We know it’s hard admitting you’re still in love with your ex and trying to overcome what went wrong between you. Hurtful things get said and done during a breakup and it can be tricky especially if you’re trying to turn to a new page. Here are a few tips on how to win them back and make it work.
By Mariam Elhamy
Note: If you feel that you’re doing it because you’re lonely, bored or for the fear that they’re moving on with someone new then back off. Being lonely is never a good enough reason to get back with your ex.
Fix Yourself First
Don’t go back into the relationship all broken and scarred. Take all the time you both need to forgive and forget the anger and sadness. Say if your ex cheated or betrayed you somehow, you have to be 100% sure that you can trust them again and have forgiven them, otherwise, you’ll drive yourself and them crazy doubting and overthinking whenever you have a little fight or they don’t text back fast enough.
Once you feel that all the bitterness has cleared and that you’re ready to talk things through then you can send them a text.
Take It Easy. There’s No Rush
You miss them a lot and you think about them every day but that doesn’t mean that you should jump right into their life especially after they’ve adjusted to not having you around. You’ve already survived without them long enough.
Warm up to them as you would do with anyone you just met, if you’re too forward way too soon it might alarm them and push them away. Give them the chance to re-adapt to the idea and miss having you.
If you did them wrong and you haven’t apologized then you need to do that before discussing anything.
Don’t Point Fingers
When you agree to talk things through, don’t start the conversation by blaming each other for what went wrong. Instead, before you go into that conversation think of your expectations, needs and solutions for the issues that made you break up in the first place.
Are they actually fixable? If you can’t agree on the same values and ultimate end goals then you’ll probably reach a dead end again eventually. Be prepared to accept the fact that it might not work if you’re not compatible and can’t work it through.
If you find solutions then offer how you’re willing to fix them and how you want your partner to work on them too. Ask them to point out their own concerns and make the effort to actually work on them.
When your partner sees how much thought and effort you’re putting into fixing the relationship they’ll feel safer knowing that it wasn’t just a spur of the moment decision out of loneliness or boredom.
Remember the Good Things
If the conversation gets too heated, take a step back, reflect on the good things and all the great memories. This could help make you remember why you decided to try again.
Talk about the major events that happened in your life when you were apart. It’s important to mention if you got into another relationship so that there are no surprises down the road. If they are upset by it then it’s a good chance to talk about it and address any concerns or fears then move on.
Don’t Expect Your Family and Friends to Agree
That doesn’t make them bad people but they saw you get hurt and just want to make sure that you’re doing what’s best for you. They probably won’t understand right away but once they see that you’re happy and that you’re making it work they’ll be on board.
If you do get back together with your ex know that it’s not an overnight process and that you will stumble upon many roadblocks until you finally make it work. So don’t give up right away and put in the effort to make things better for both of you.